Dawn & Dusk

I look back
With such pain
Seeing the years of suffering
All to no gain

All that pain
Because of what I didn’t know
Fighting desperately
But with nothing to show

When all this time
I was built differently
Needed different things
To live successfully

I beat myself up
With hard, rigid rules
I thought by following them
That I would break through

It is only when
I learned who I was inside
I could begin to take steps
To free my mind

Why didn’t God
Reveal this to me sooner?
Now, I have lost so much
Am emotionally poorer

I have to believe
That it was for a purpose
And that an unsinkable joy
From the depths, will surface

But that doesn’t stop the pain
That I feel every day
That rips me up inside
Too agonising to even say

So, I package them up
In these heart-wrenching poems
And put trust in God
That He knows what He is doing